Mother

150839

How can I cope with my emotionally abusive mother, who favors my brother and causes me to feel angry and disconnected from my faith? I've tried speaking to her, but nothing changes, and I’ve stopped praying and fasting. What should I do?

Rebecca Masterton, Dr Rebecca Masterton graduated with a BA in Japanese Language and Literature; an MA in Comparative East Asian and African Literature and a PhD in Islamic literature of West Africa. She has been... Answer updated 2 weeks ago

There are now some coaches on YouTube that are very helpful in advising on how to cope with an emotionally abusive parent. In the household of a covert malignant narcissistic parent, children get assigned roles: the scapegoat and the golden child. To save you wasted years of your life, you will never be able to escape the role that you have been assigned. Even if your narc parent were to destroy your life, she would still find a reason to blame you for something or other, and play the victim.

You have to go 'no contact' or at least minimise contact as much as possible (minimal contact still counts as maintaining silat al-rahm - just at a safe distance). You will not be validated or have your true self seen by your mother, because she is invested in invalidating you. Instead, you have gradually accept that she will never be the mother you wanted and needed, and start to find yourself again and build your own life and identity independently of her. Don't share anything with her about yourself. Keep your life separate and private. If you are still living at home, it would be advisable to work on physically separating yourself and leaving the home.

Here is one coach and therapist who is a survivor of abuse himself: https://www.youtube.com/@narcabusecoach

196622

Father . Khula . Wife . Life . Mother . Children . Marriage

Can a father not meet his child after having a Khula from wife and wait till he gets married and gets settled in his own life, as the child is in different country with her mother?

Sayyed Mohammad Al-Musawi, Sayyed Mohammad al-Musawi is originally from Iraq and heads up the World Ahlul Bayt Islamic League in London. Other than being involved in various humanitarian projects, he frequently responds to... Answered 1 month ago

Islam does not allow anything which makes the child away from his parents. Cutting ties with any of the relatives is a sinful act, what about with the parents??

Even if the mother is divorced from the father, the rights of both of them on the child remain intact and both of them must maintain continuous contact between themselves child and his both parents. Father remains responsible to spend on his children till they are able to earn their livelihood.

Wassalam.

195909

Man . Sleep . Mother . Marriage

Is it acceptable for a married man to sleep beside his mother, cuddle her, or kiss her face, especially when his mother expects him to spend nights in her room and involves him in activities like back massages and Hajama appointments?

Zaid Alsalami, Shaykh Dr Zaid Alsalami is an Iraqi born scholar, raised in Australia. He obtained a BA from Al-Mustafa University, Qom, and an MA from the Islamic College in London. He also obtained a PhD from... Answered 2 months ago

Bismihi ta'āla

Men and women, mahram or non-mahram, must always observe boundaries between each other. With mahram, the boundaries are less, but there still are boundaries.

Most of what you have mentioned in your question is crossing the boundary, or should be avoided, so as to not all into haram.

We cannot say he might have incestuous tendency, but it is not normal behaviour for a son to sleep right beside his mother and spend nights in her room, etc. He might have more feminine tendency, hence these activities, but it is also his mother to be responsible for this as well.

I would advise someone have a talk with both of them, about boundaries, and the possible shaytani influence that could corrupt anyone.

And Allah knows best

102337

Mother . Pregnancy . Infant . Miscarriage

What is Islam's stance on children who pass away in the womb during early pregnancy before 12 weeks or as a fully formed baby? Could you provide insights on this issue from a Shia perspective, including relevant references?

Children who pass away in the womb must be dealt with according to Islamic rules depending on the age of the embryo. If the embryo was less than four months of pregnancy, then there is no Ghusl, nor Kafan, nor Namaz Mayyit, but just to be put in piece of cloth and to be buried. If the age of the embryo is four months or more then it must given ritual washing (Ghusl) then Kafan, then to be buried with out Namaz Mayyit.

These are the rituals , but on the hereafter, children of Muslims will be looked after by Sara, wife of Prophet Ibrahim (AS). They will be invited to enter Paradise, they will reply: I enter Paradise with my parents.

Wassalam.

193083

Mother . Conversion to Islam . Christianity

As a Muslim revert, can I attend my mother's funeral if it is officiated by a member of her Mormon church, given that she is close to passing away?

You can attend your mother's funeral but with out taking part in any un Islamic worship.

Wassalam.

192526

Cancer . Mother . Du'a (Supplication) . Health

My mother has been diagnosed with cancer, and I am looking for specific Duas or prayers to help in her recovery from this illness. Can you suggest any Duas for cancer patients?

Many Quranic verses are very useful in this matter e,g (WA ITHA MARIDHTU FAHOWA YASHFEEN) وإذا مَرِضتُ فَهُوَ يَشفين

Tis verse is in Sura Al-Shu'araa, verse 80.

Repeating it is very useful.

Wassalam.

190211

Marriage . Divorce . Children . Mother . Brother . Time . Domestic violence . Guilt . Hell

After enduring 20 years in an abusive marriage, that ended in divorce, and raising my children alone, why do I still feel guilty and fear hell, especially when my mother and brother don't accept me and consistently make me feel bad whenever we interact?

Amina Inloes, Amina Inloes is originally from the US and has a PhD in Islamic Studies from the University of Exeter on Shi'a hadith. She is the program leader for the MA Islamic Studies program at the... Answer updated 7 months ago

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

This is probably due to the psychology of being in an abusive marriage; possibly the abuser always said directly or indirectly that whatever happens is your fault. (Unfortunately, other people in society will also blame the woman, even if the husband is responsible for his choices.)

Also, in life, we internalize an internal judgmental voice (like a "parent") which judges us based on the social norms that we absorb from other people. This inner voice will continue to judge us even if those people are no longer around (and, in this case, it sounds like there are people who may still be actively reinforcing these ideas).

Many Muslim women, especially in our generation and above, internalized a voice that said that being a good Muslim woman means being married and having children, and a woman who gets divorced is bad. This idea is more about social expectations (or wanting the security of a marriage for a daughter) rather than Allah or faith.

However, it is common for Muslim women who grew up around these ideas to deal with guilt after divorce, and it can take time to revise one's ideas about what is genuinely important before Allah and in the next life and offload social expectations that no longer serve us.

Sometimes this is also a way of processing trauma as well.

In all these cases, probably the best way to handle it is through qualified psychological counselling/therapy as well as reflection on what is really important in matters of faith. Sometimes, just identifying the issue is a step forward.

Wishing you the best!

187808

Mother . Domestic violence . Silat al-Rahm

What does Islam teach regarding a situation where a 24-year-old hits their mother back after she hits and verbally abuses them?

Hurting any of the parents is one of most dangerous major sins which lead to hellfire. If your parents hit you or verbally abuse you, you must tolerate and never do anything which can hurt their feelings. Allah is Angry with any one who makes his parents or any of them, unhappy.

Wassalam.

185147

Father . Mother . Son . Kaffara . Domestic violence

Is it permissible for a son to protect his mother by retaliating against his father who beats her severely? If not, what is the Kaffarah for such an act?

Sayyed Muhammad Husaini Ragheb, Sayyed Muhammad Husaini Ragheb has a BA in Law from Guilan University, Iran and has also undertaken Hawzah studies in Qom. He used to be a Cultural Affairs director of Ethics Group of Al-Mustafa... Answer updated 10 months ago

Salaam
In any case, children do not have the right to hit or even to raise their voices against their parents. Showing anger towards parents and shouting at them out of anger is forbidden let alone hitting them which will be punished by very severe and heavy punishment.
You have to only ask him to stop beating her and if you can become a block on the way of her getting hit then do it. But you have no right to hit your father back.
As for Kaffarah there's nothing mentioned in this regard. Just try to ask him for forgiveness in a polite manner so that he forgives you and try to make him happy. This way we hope that he changes his attitude towards your mother too.

183941

Mother

Will I be held accountable by Allah if I raise my voice or explain things to my aging mother who reacts strongly to small things?

Yes. It is wrong to raise your voice when talking to your mother. Whatever she does, you must remain completely polite with her and serve her like a humble servant.

Wassalam.

182595

Mother . Law . Wife

Is it wrong for me to feel that as a wife, my primary duty is to my husband, and not necessarily to maintain a constant close relationship with my mother-in-law?

No doubt, your primary duty is to your husband, but never cause your husband a harm or insult or disrespect through ignoring his family. Your positive attitude to your in-laws reflects on the life and happiness of your husband. Try your best to keep your husband happy and respected in his family.

Maintaing good relationship with your in-laws is part of the happiness and respect of your husband.

Wassalam..

183276

Mother . Health . Du'a (Supplication)

What supplications can I recite for my critically ill 39-year-old mother who is experiencing excessive blood loss and a decreased heart rate?

After applying medical instructions from the reliable specialists, you may recite: وإذا مَرِضتْ فَهُوَ يَشفين WA ITHA MARIDHTU FAHOWA YASHFEEN.

Also: YA WALIYYAL 'AAFIYAH NAS'ALOKAL 'AAFIYAH.

It is also very useful to recite Night Prayer (Salat Al-Layl or Namaz e Shab) every night and pray for your need.

Sadaqz and Ziyarat Ashura are also very useful.

Wassalam.